As part of my experience through life it has become obvious at the discrepancy I possess between my internal emotions and the outwardly expressions. That describing those emotions are difficult, particularly because I hardly ostensive words; that of a term pointing only to examples for definition. In as much as that part of my cannot formulate the true expression of my emotions I feel like there is no meaning behind the words themselves and they convey very little in reference to my experience. And many a time I can point to words such as hurt, sad, depressed, angry, but those experiences are usually confined to other points of reference and entirely situational. To point to a sense of truth is foggy as differentiated by the feeling I can express, knowing that the situation calls for it; particularly that of anxiety, disposition, and wanderlust is not a situation by which I know what it calls for.
In many a time this expression internally of confusion comes out as what should exist within the world, that my expressions of disposition against that of the popular culture are primarily found in the fact I cannot express why or the reason behind the disposition. This discrepancy mixed with an unfiltered appreciation of truth and negation of personal emotion as a means of expression gives rise to the attitude I express, that of flaring passion, and weak standing points.
This also has its cause in how I talk to people, expecting them to have the same sort of misunderstanding of their own emotions. That my quietism takes form in the knowledge that expression of emotion is important, yet I cannot find the words, nor at times the courage to express those true emotions. And more closely akin, I am blind in my experience of taking initiative from expressions not rooted in words, that of others body language; I cannot read when in relation to myself. However, for some reason I have a good eye for noticing certain body language keys when in relation to those outside of me.
In building foreword, I am trying to build strong roots in self-examination when in those situations which require the acknowledgement of body language. Which no longer is so focused on the topic that the external world becomes abstract and a mere space by which to express meaning of desires or ideas. To acknowledge that our language is weak if we wish to truly express those things we feel, or experience in our lives. In this my philosophical announcement of “The conception is a fact, not the expression!” Perhaps, it tells that our expressions can never truly say what our conception hand of the world. That “thought” as we think of it is based on language yet the true form thinking or cognition takes is that of the entirety of experience even those things which we cannot express and need ostensive definitions.
For going further I will say that a system of truth, that is how do truths relate, must be that of reference between each other. That Kantian Thing-in-itself is a true manifestation and that those truths of the world have a relation by means of defining each other. And to say, as the foundationalist would, that the does have a singular entity which defines the rest of existence I would say is wrong. That system of reference and reliance upon other objects or manifestations is entirely complex and not at any point singular. For instance, I have a metal water bottle, the metal itself might be made up of fundamental particles, quarks, bosons, and all others. But that there are an infinite forms within the world which are also apart of the water bottle as I conceive it, energy of molecules between the metal and air around it, the space by which it inhabits, the forces which are tugging at it to make it; in my frame of reference, stationary. These things make up what I think of the world, the definitions I put upon certain conceptions; organic or inorganic, and that of all matter of things in themselves lie in some noumenon beyond the world; as if a code of the world to make it congruent.
Where does this leave me? To push the bounds of understanding because of these restrictions and systems by which our conception of the truth is particularly harbored. To have a conception beyond the mind and to feel the extension in which I feel as the will stretches to the real world and pushes me to the desires I hold. And with it I know that all I have are the conceptions of the world, and the expression of free will is that extension into the unknown, and to accept the fact of mind which I have set up.
Oculius Universi 